Blurred Lines

I went for an eye exam yesterday. You hit 40 and all of a sudden you can't see! The funny part is I didn't realize how skewed my vision was until I looked through the lenses of my new specs...it's a whole new world!

With regard to my self image, I think it is going to take more than a pair of rose colored glasses to get me to see clearly.  

I have been competing for almost four years doing approximately 3 to 4 figure competitions a year.  With prep times being a minimum of 12 weeks, you can say I've pretty much lived in prep mode for the past 60+ months. Yes, that's a whole lot of tilapia but its also not a lot of seeing myself out of competition shape. 

Anyone who has ever competed can relate to the blurred vision that comes post prep. Yes, I know you can't live in that depleted state forever and yes I know it can take a few weeks for your body to adjust, but it still doesn't stop you from feeling as though you look fat and completely out of shape. 

I've come up with a few tried and true ways to minimize the self hating... I wear loose clothes; stay as far away from a scale as possible and try to avoid looking at myself in the mirror naked for at least the first month.  But like the pink elephant in the room, you still know its there. 

Monday of this week was the worst. On top of already not loving my body, It was my first day back from a wonderful weekend in Saratoga Springs, NY with the boys.  Of course I got my workouts in. I even got a great cardio/ body weight circuit going in Congress Park at the crack of dawn. But there was food and wine... and peanut butter. (OMG!  I discovered Saratoga Peanut Butter Company! Their Adirondack Jack is the stuff that peanut butter dreams are made of!)  Umm there were also a few cupcakes involved. You get the picture. Yes, I was a bad girl and I felt it completely showed.  

I saw a few of my favorite faces at the gym that morning but because of my less than stellar self image, I decided to keep my eyes on my weights, get my workout in and run out before anyone else recognized me and wondered what the hell happened. 

I didn't go unnoticed.  I ended up with several text messages about my "new look". "Amazing" was one of the words used???  I didn't see it or feel it, but I needed that that day. More importantly than the boost it gave me, it showed how competitors need time for their eyes to adjust before attempting to look at themselves post competition...  It takes a minute to really be able to see. 

K.-